And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if only i could text you this smell
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
