All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
