I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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