Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
