if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
