I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
