Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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