even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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