Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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