I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
