Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
