I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
