yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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