I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
