you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
