Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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