Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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