he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
