How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
