somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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