god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
