Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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