i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
