Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
