Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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