just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
my poor anus
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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