fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
