I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
