There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
