I'm jealous of your bromance
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
