Your face is a jimmy john
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
