sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
