I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
