When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
