That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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