I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
