This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
