I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
