Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
