I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
