You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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