Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
