I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
