I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
