Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
