I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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