It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
