Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
