Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
