I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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