Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize